This is it. My life has finally ended. After the love of my life was diagnosed with H1N1 (swine flu) and turned out to be a normal flu (yay.....). But that is not it....This is WHY I am pissed. Many who reads my journals and watches me and knows me knows that I am 18 years old. Technically considered and adult. In the real world, I do not act like an adult. I really act like a child. I do not act like an adult because I feel like I am not ready for that responsibility (granted I DO live on my own in Cleveland State University....but that is on campus). Simply put. My love, on the other hand, is 15, turning 16 in about a week. Now you are thinking that is wrong, but let me explain.

Me and her love each other very much. We plan on getting married when she is 20 or 18. She plans on going to CIA (Cleveland Institute of Art) and we plan on getting a apartment between CSU and CIA, so we can go to each others classes, and still live together. We want our lives to be together forever. We have given gifts, made sacrifices, cried with/for/because of each other, and we have told each other time to time we love and miss each other. This form of love, it is unmeasurable, a level of great magnitude.

Continuing on. Me and her also have some hardships. Now you all know that Parents get into this. My parents have not met her and thing she is a good gal. Her parents on the other hand....sigh...it just hurts me SOO much to talk about this. Her mother does not have a problem with me. The only problem she has with me is that I am dating her "baby" and she is too young to date (fyi, she is a Jehovah's Witness....so THAT should be fun), Her stepmother does not want to get into the drama. And her dad wants me either dead or arrested... So her mom found out we were lying, bow she is not supportive anymore, her dad found out and might press charges on me and get arrested, and my love moved back with her mom which is an hour away, and I cant see her nor talk to her until she turns 18....which is in 2 years. I cant wait two years fyi. My mind is breaking apart, and my heart is feeling more and more empty. I can not live without her. Let alone 2 years. So I just got off the phone with her 5 minutes ago prior to typing this journal, and her mom said I can talk to her anymore. I feel so ashamed of my life now. That I might get arrested for statutory rape, and a sex offender. I am scared, crying, shaking, having my series of panic attacks, nervous breakdowns, and seizures. I had to rip up every last bit of drawings she made me, as she had to do with mine. But I could not rip up one paper. And that is a letter she gave me. Stating every little detail she loves about me. Out of all the relationships I have been in, no one has ever done as much as she has done for me. I got her a birthday gift, a customized birthstone ring and a bag. Hopefully I can SOMEHOW get that to her. I don't like when gifts rot. We are here crying for hours, telling each other that our lives are over and we are sorry for making each other lives miserable. I can't continue on with this. So because of this. I am leaving DeviantArt. I have lost ALL will power and inspiration to make new art and all this account is going to do is collect dust. No point in having an account in which I cannot do anything with. So, before I go, I will like to address a few people I will like to thank:

*petercui : You have been amazing. Your travel wallpaper series and various journal entries about your struggles was most pleasing. Your views on sexuality is amazing because it takes alot to tell the world about being gay and being proud of it. With the world now, it takes alot to stand up.

=Steel89 : You have been awesome. I got to your page everyday in hopes a new screen shot was put up about your hopeful new VS. I love you SteelFlash 100k. very great job

and anyone else, thank you for everything......

with this. I say.....GOOD BYE DEVIANTART!!!